The increase in the quality of television sets appears to be inversely proportional to the quality of the actual television programmes we watch on them. There was a time when we could watch Yes Minister, Morecambe & Wise and Porridge on a 14 inch portable analogue set, with a poor signal. At current we have the privilege of watching Celeb-air (where z-list nobodies learn to become air hosts/hostesses) on a 32 inch Ultra HD flat plasma screen that is the focal point of one’s living room. In the future, there will no doubt be the chance to have the 3D images of a show’s participants projected directly into your living room – hopefully this will be ready in time for the second series of Celebrity Toaster Swap… On Ice.
Such programmes stifle the genuine talent, which, undoubtedly still exists, but unfortunately, no longer prospers. Many questions can be derived from the current state of television: Would a variety act such as Bruce Forsyth have found fame and popularity in today’s society? Indeed, could television’s standards go any “lower”? What is Kerry Katona’s job? (Also, if anyone knows who won the third series BBC Three’s hairdressing programme Celebrity Scissorshands, please let me know - I missed the whole series… ironically I was washing my hair).
When he appeared on Friday Night With Jonathan Ross, Noel Edmonds complained about the lack of talent on television and surmised that Kenny Everrett probably wouldn’t have an outlet for his talents in the contemporary society. Edmonds of all people should be glad of the lack of talent around on television at the moment; at current he is allowed to continue hosting a game show involving people opening a shoe box, having first sensed what is inside and trying to answer that elusive question – where does Noel get his shirts from?
The whole notion of playing things safe in terms of television may be best summed up by BBC One’s Show, The One Show, which confusingly airs at 7 o’clock, so it should be called The Seven Show. The One Show mentions a few topical issues in a nice cheery way, “there is currently unrest in the Middle East, which could be bad if you’re planning a holiday there”. As well as being a heaven for names of yesteryear, Gyles Brandreth will talk about the fake snow factory he has visited, whilst Carol Thatcher will… refer to people as “gollywogs” and be politely sacked, with immediate effect.
The One Show anchor, Christine Bleakley, has recently announced that she is jumping ship to ITV after dithering on a contract of allegedly £900,000 a year from the BBC. Her job is to effectively sit on a sofa for 30 minutes a day and keep the nation company via chit-chatting to a guest who is promoting a book/film/album/television show. The value of the contract was so large that some Members of Parliament complained that the money being offered was an unjustifiable use of a large amount of public money – which is quite an insult to Bleakley; having an MP insinuate that you are a waste of a large amount of public money is like being criticised about not caring for the environment by Tony Hayward.
After effectively rejecting the offer on the table, Bleakley has decided to move to ITV in order to present the revamped GMTV (“GM” stands for Good Morning, and not Genetically Modified – the presenters aren’t all 10 foot tall). Presumably she has moved for more money and let’s be honest; you would want more money. After all she will now be in the studio before 6 o’clock in the morning and moreover; she will once again be forced to sit next to Adrian Chiles, only this time for longer…
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